For those of you that know me personally and very well know that I’ve been physically sick for most of my adult life. For 10years I was sick. I was completely debilitated in 2007 when I first was diagnosed with RA. An auto immune disorder that attacks your joints and your immune system.
I couldn’t walk, I was in so much pain I couldn’t do a lot of daily tasks and on top of that because I literally woke up one day walking and the next unable to, I Went into a deep depression.
Throughout my journey from 2006 when the first signs sprung on until mid 2015 when I couldn’t walk again I had created a narrative for nearly 10 years that I was sick.
That was my story. I didn’t know what it was like to not feel pain. It was almost as if I became addicted to it. And then one day in Mexico when again, one night I could walk and the next morning I couldn’t, I felt myself spiral into the pain, into the why me. Why now? I gave into it until I witnessed myself go back down into the depression that I had to pull myself out of it.
This could no longer be my story, this could no longer be my life. So When i moved back to the states in March of 2016 after being pumped with meds & steroids I began to dedicate myself into wellness, herbs & anything that could help, but I just wouldn’t accept more meds from my doctor. I thought I was going to have it under control.
Then in fall of last year, my knee hurt again. Once again I found myself having problems going up the stairs. So this year I put my ego aside, said yes to the meds, started taking CBD oil, got back into the gym, doing yoga, acro yoga, Physical therapy and completely loving and taking care of myself. I have now been able to almost fully rehab my knee. I have been able to lower the inflammation significantly and say yes to life, step into my new story & narrative that fuck yes I am Worthy.
And it feels so good and blissful to be in this control of my life for the first real time in the last year. So do I still experience pain & difficulty, of course, but when I do I’m able to properly care for myself keeping the new narrative in mind. So in celebration of feeling good, I Romanian dead lifted 115 today – more than my weight, and to some this not might seem like a lot, and my form may be off because it was heavy af, but for me, this is a testament to how far I’ve come.
This is a celebration of life for me, of health, of movement and of my change in narrative. This is my detachment from RA. Because it may be a part of me but I’m not a part of it.
Thank you to those who have held, supported and were there for me throughout this long journey. And a special thanks to my Physical Therapist and good friend for helping me, you don’t know how much of an impact you’ve made for me in such a short time.
I’m back, I’m home in my body for the first time in a long time, and I’m forever thankful to have humbly learned resilience, and to hold my head high when I sometimes felt and can feel so low.