3 Things I Learned From Deleting Tinder

So I recently arrived back to the states in February after traveling to South America and living in Mexico for a year.

Upon returning all of my friends were telling me that I must download Tinder because meeting guys in Los Angeles can tend to be pretty hard.

So without hesitation, I gave it a whirl.

I met some cool dudes, some weirdos, and even some guys that were players and had girlfriends.  I went on countless first dates that didn’t go anywhere, some second and third dates peppered in.

But I wasn’t finding much of what I was looking for.

I had some awesome experiences and even made some great guy friends throughout my experience but a few months in, I decided to see what would happen when I deleted it and went out into the real world to make some connections.

To my surprise it really wasn’t hard. In fact it was much easier and way more fulfilling.

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Here are the 3 Things I learned from deleting Tinder and embarking on real world dating.

1. We judge people based on 6 photos

Tinder and other dating app’s actually put us in a very judgmental mindset.

We literally judge people based on 6 photos and a few sentences. How fair is that really?

How much can we actually tell about chemistry with someone or even their personality when we are in that place of mind?

Once I deleted Tinder and started meeting people in person at Whole Foods, at events, or at a coffee shop, you are instantly able to get a feel for someone’s personality and chemistry between you both without having to read and swipe through pictures.

2. We get into the “next best thing” mindset

Have you ever been on a date from a dating app where the first 5 seconds you’re not into them so you start swiping through Tinder while they’re in the bathroom looking for the next match? We’ve all done it at some point in our lives.

The thing is that we don’t really give matches a full chance when swiping is fully at our fingertips. We get into the headspace of waiting for the next best thing.

Once I deleted the app and that was no longer an option, I found myself way more present and in deeper connections with people I met in person. It felt instantly more fulfilling!

3. We start to validate ourself by matches and messages

Remember Hot or Not back in the day? I think it was like mid 2000’s.. I don’t really recall. But it was a thing on Facebook where you went through photos and clicked hot or not. That is exactly what these app’s have us doing.

So we swipe before bed, and then we wake up and check out messages and matches and feel good when we have a lot and weird or down when we don’t.

We are validating our own looks based on the attention that we are getting from our own 6 photos and sentences. We change them around when they aren’t converting enough and when they do feel instantly good about that decision.

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Once I deleted Tinder and went out in the world, I realized I no longer needed swipes, matches and messages to validate me.

Now it’s a thing of the past and I’m able to confidently show up as my full authentic self meeting people in person once I no longer had Tinder as a crutch.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, Dating app’s such as Tinder are great for meeting people and they do have long term success rates.

However, I will say that once you go out into the real world and meet people in person, you are able to really connect with people on a much deeper level if theres chemistry and not wonder how many matches that person is seeing or talking to.

So, I recommend, putting down your phone, looking up from your screen and making “eyes” with a person you’re attracted to and just say hi!

I promise you won’t regret it.

Let me know how it goes, comment below!

 

 

((This article was previously written for Hellohustle.com))