You Attract Who You Are: 5 Ways to Define Yourself Better

“Why on earth am I up right now?” I think to myself.

I turn over to check my phone it’s 7:15am, I turn over to my dog snuggled into me, look at him and say “just another hour Dorito, then we’ll get up.” He looks at me unfazed and turns his head over, we both go back to sleep.

It’s raining in LA on this Saturday- a rarity. Since living in Mexico, I miss the rain, the tranquil sound of raindrops hitting the ground, and the smell, oh the smell– it’s just so peaceful.

Anyway, it also puts you in this mood to just stay in and relax- that’s exactly what my body was telling me to do today. 

Finally, I woke up, made some Earl Grey Tea with Onnit MCT Oil and went on with my day.

It consisted of a ton of Netflix and relaxation with my pup.

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So I was riding this relaxation train and felt the urge for something sweet- listening to my body, I ventured off into my car down the street to the neighborhood market.

I wondered the aisles aimlessly trying to figure out exactly what my body wanted. Aisle after aisle, I finally settle into the idea of ice cream- Great I think, Peanut Butter Chocolate Core Ben & Jerry’s obviously.

I pick that up along with some mineral water and head over to the counter to wait on quite a long line.

I’m just relaxing into the space- quietly awaiting my turn to pay when a man comes in yelling for the owner of the White Mazda to come outside right away.

Confused I yell out “It’s mine, I’ll be right there, let me put my items down.”

I’m thinking did I park in the wrong spot? A hotel next door shared the parking lot.

Now I had parked a bit closely to a brand new black Corvette with temporary Texas plates. But it wasn’t close enough for them to not be able to get out- there was plenty of room.

I casually walk out to see what the man wanted. “Hey, it’s my car, what’s going on?”

“Your fucking car is too close to my brand new Corvette you fucking moron” he says.

“Sir, I have a brand new car as well (I don’t even have my plates yet- that new) of course I wouldn’t put either of our cars in a position for them to get messed up.” I reply calmly.

“You are a fucking idiot for parking that close to my $100k corvette”, he continues to yell, “how dare you park that closely to my car.”

He is in my face at this point, everyone is just watching, no one is doing anything.

He was with a women who just said “just move your car for him honey and he’ll leave you alone”.

I looked at the guy confidently and said “Why are you speaking to a woman like this? I am young enough to be your daughter, would you speak to your own daughter like this? Would you speak to your friend over there like this?”

Still in my face he says, “fuck you, move your shitty car that is nowhere worth the amount mine is. You’re such a fucking idiot, learn how to fucking park”.

Still pretty calm I walk into my car with clearly enough room for my body between our cars, I look back at him and say “I’m really sorry that your allowing your car to define you right now, I am not an idiot, nor am I a moron, and I’m really sorry for you that you speak to women like that.”

As I get in my car, he tells me to fuck off, and loudly drives away.

I walk back into the store, with the bystanders all just looking at me and apologizing for what happened. But my response to them was “You all just stood there and watched, no one did anything to help.” 

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See what I realized today during this moment was a few things.

First, bystanders wait to see if someone else will step into help– that’s why such a large statistic witness crimes and don’t call the police.

Granted this wasn’t a crime but it was a much taller older man that was in the face of a small statured women. And that was not okay.

Second, as much as I was pretty shaken up internally for being alone in that situation and unsure if the man was going to go farther than yelling- I realized my strength–

I felt so strong in my truth in that moment that I wasn’t going to offend him back or let his words penetrate me because it’s not even how I feel about myself or my life.

I was able to stand there confidently, articulately and be a mirror for him. I showed him that he was yelling at a women, he was allowing the cost of his car and the ownership of his car to define him as a man, and as a human.

 

It got me thinking, why don’t we ever take a moment to think about what defines us?

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You have the power to create and choose what defines you as a woman, as a person.

Think about it-

Do objects define you?

Does your past define you?

Is it your looks?

Your profession?

Social Media likes?

If those are what define you, well those are temporary definitions. Those don’t last- They are superficial in fact- Right now in this moment, you aren’t your past, and your past is not you. You are now.

That man with that Corvette in that moment certainly doesn’t define me. 

Personally, My past certainly doesn’t define me. My past was the lessons and the vessel to get me here to this moment writing you this blog post. My past was the lesson that allowed me to in some way hold that space for that man instead of lash out back to him.

My present defines me. My dreams define me. Love, hope and Joy Define me.

My morals define me, committing to living vulnerably and authentically define me.

I want to share all of those beautiful things that define me with the world. I want to share that all with you. 

So I ask, What defines you? What makes you YOU?

Take a moment to grab a pen and a piece of paper and answer these questions to get to know yourself:

• What makes you tick?
  • What are your common thought patterns?
  • Do you constantly put yourself in victim thought patterns? (They did this to me, he did this to me, he put me through this etc?)- Recognizing these patterns are helpful to begin to spot before you let them spiral. Once you start to think these thoughts you can then slay them in their tracks.

• How do you think about yourself? Do you think about yourself positively, negatively? If there are any negative ways written down I want you to cross those out and turn them into a positive.

• How do you view the world? Do you view the world by religion, nationality, sexual identity?

• What role do you play in the world? Are you a daughter, mother, wife, girlfriend etc.

• What are your core values? I explain mine here.

Now take that list and choose what defines you right now.

Understand that what you want to become, you already are and this is a way to let her out!

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Here’s the thing- the way we define ourselves is how we define the love we attract in.

The way we define us attracts our dates, our relationships and even our friendships. (You are the five people you spend the most time with remember?)

In love we attract who we are so, if you have superficial things that define you like Social Media likes, well you will attract that like minded superficial person.

If you have a negative view of yourself, you will attract other’s with a negative view.

If you define yourself based on your job or looks you’ll attract the same.

And ladies if you define yourself by your past relationships you will certainly attract the same patterns.

So when you wonder why you’re not attracting the higher quality men, well think about, in what ways are you not being your best you.

Let’s all commit to letting go of the past, letting go of that definition of us.

I want you to have the love you have always desired and it’s so possible. This is the very first step in attracting that in.

So before I go, I’ll leave you with this- what if when we define ourselves we choose love?

What if we accepted the idea that love can define us all?

Do you know how much more love the world would have!

Think about it, it’s never too late.

 

Let me know in the comments what you think!

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