Change is the seed of growth in your relationship

 

Alright let’s talk.

If you have the mentality that you don’t have to change for a man, take a moment to listen to what I’m about to tell you, bare with me, I promise it’s not going the way you think.

Us as women have embraces being Miss Independent thanks to Queen Bey.

We are told to be strong willed women that won’t take anyone’s crap, that we can do it all on our own and we don’t need a man, that they need to accept us for who we are and we don’t need to change for anyone

All of that is correct in a way, but not completely.

Us as strong women need to actually take a step back and look at ourselves for a second.

We are beautiful, talented, loving, affectionate but we aren’t perfect and that is a stone cold fact ladies.

What I’m getting at is this,

In terms of relationship, we do need to change. We can’t be standing here thinking that we are always right and our partner’s are always wrong. That “they’re doing something to us“. They’re not.. it takes TWO.

So here’s the deal, If you want your relationship to go from good to great you must change. I mean of course they have their own things to change, but I’m not talking to them, I am talking to you.

Men are super simple beings. They say what they mean and they mean what they say. There is no reading between the lines with them.

Change is the seed of growth in relationship.

If they have issues with our defensiveness, our quick temper, our constant need to be right, or our inability to change, well guess what…. those are great changes for you to make not for your partner but for YOU.

Your partner is  a mirror for you, they show us ourselves by reflection.

If they are upset because of our defensiveness, our lack of presence and all that funky shit well, then think about it this way they are actually showing us who WE are in that moment.

What I have learned is this:

Defensiveness gets you nowhere and nowhere fast.

See, being defensive is not only you needing to be right, but also two things; 1. You not OWNING up to what you are adding to the fire, and 2. You aren’t being present.

Presence is SO beyond important because your partner just wants to feel heard right? If you aren’t listening and you’re just sitting there defending yourself well, guess what you’re not going to help the situation at all and thus will bring what I like to call the hamster wheel of death.

The hamster wheel of death is the cyclical path of argument. You keep having the same conversation over and over never finding a solution because you can’t take yourself out of the emotional rabbit hole.

But think about it this way, behaving in this manner that your partner is complaining about has probably landed you in some sticky situations in your daily life with others as well right?

We don’t change though because there’s always that monkey on your shoulder telling you that you shouldn’t change for anyone. But It’s not about changing for them see, it’s about seeing your reflection, listening to your partner about how you are behaving and changing for YOU.

Don’t you want to grow? Don’t you want to change for the better and be the best partner you can be in your relationship?

Don’t fall into the trap of talking and talking and talking to them about how you will change because psychologically that will trick your brain into thinking that you have actually taken a step forward in change.

Change comes from within not from words. Your partner wants to see your changes, they want to see YOU grow and become a better you for YOU!

So what I want you to do is really see yourself next time your partner is showing you your reflection. Take a step back from the emotional rabbit hole and breath for a moment. Relax into this feeling of “oh wow, I am acting this way”.

Think about what exactly is causing you to behave in whatever way that is making your partner feel unhappy. Maybe and most likely it has absolutely nothing to do with them. 95% of the time it will be a trigger from something in your past that is making you behave like this. For example, if you are being defensive, maybe growing up you always felt attacked, If you are not being present maybe you used to tune out your parents when they would ground you.

Think about it long and hard and really dig deep inside and find out what has been instilled in you to create this trait of yours that only comes out in certain situations. Sit in it, reflect in it, journal the shit out of it, whatever you do to bring this behavior to light and release it from the inner most depths of yourself to become a better ever growing, ever changing more beautiful YOU!!

You can do it, I have faith.

Growth is just around the corner.